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As advertised, nothing much to report yet.  It was suggested to me that the effects of the Calea would probably take 4 days to a week before bearing much significance.  I  slept enough, but I do not feel very rested today.  However, besides that, I’m feeling good, more or less.  I am not looking forward to tonight’s assuredly vile trial.

It kind of helps to pretend that I’m in some kind of man-made hut or shack, high on the slopes of cloudforests.  Say, I could be some kind of questing voyageur or whatever (someone brave, maybe also trekking the road to destiny).  Yeah, and the mystic, stolid shaman prepares the necessary brew, awful though it is – it’s all part of my journey.  What a persevering hero I am.

Anyway, I did note that, as I was falling asleep, I was experiencing increased ability to visualize, and the mental imagery itself was more vivid.  I’m not an expert on the lucid state, but I believe I was also intermittently falling in and out of a lucid dream.  I have been experiencing this more often in the past several months, actually, but these episodes are usually accompanied by an uncomfortable feeling of uncertainty/anxiety.  By contrast, this time, I was feeling much more at ease.  I briefly experimented by attempting to move my “dream body”.  It worked… to a point, I suppose, as I think I was able to at least view my own arm by deciding to lift it into my view.  Who knows.

I’m going to skip the customary quashing of my erratic, irregular style of updating so far.  I have been strangely busy lately.  I suppose it shouldn’t be strange, since I have deadlines looming for school, but actually school has not been stealing away with all of my time, I admit.  I have been a little reckless lately with my indulgances, but I haven’t the usual glee or begrudgingly satisfied hangover to show for it.  Not that I haven’t been enjoying myself, but that’s another story and this isn’t the place to tell it.

Since updating last, I came into some Thai Kratom, which I enjoyed together with my girlfriend, as well as a couple of doses (? We shall see if it’s enough for two people: I have my suspicions that it isn’t) of Heavenly Blue Morning Glory seeds.  We haven’t partaken of the Morning Glory yet.  I’m not a very intuitive person, but I’m not totally seized to get into the LSA right away, so I shall keep an eye out for that “right” moment.  In the meantime, I have gotten a 24-days’-supply of Calea, the “dream herb” of the Oaxaca, which I’ve already penned on.

I had been putting off trying it out, completely unaware of what I should have been preparing to endure.  Blissfully unsuspecting, I enjoyed myself while I brewed up a few grams (eyeballed it) of the loose leaves and then let it steep for about 15 minutes.  It was very interesting to observe the surface of the tea, as little drops of oil would bead there and float amidst each other.  By the time it was done, they had all clustered together, shimmering funnily in a layer.  This would be the end of any “blissfully” anything, because holy shit, this shit is horrid.

Acrid.  Detestable.  I had visions of spiders being cruelly hairsprayed, that’s what the cells lining my alimentary canal were impressing, nay, burning to me to understand their torture.  They struggled, freaked out a little, but ultimately, could only screw up into pathetically scrunched balls of “Why?”  It took me a while, and I finished about 90% of it, I guess (pausing to sip water and rinse my mouth, courageously bearing the prod of pre-nausea).  Another 23 days to go.

It’s been over 40 minutes since I finished the tea, and I have to say that it’s very… relaxing.  Although I’m not sure if this is induced drowsiness (I was sufficiently sleepy before downing the brew), but I am going to say that it probably is.  And now I am off to sleep.

I will post, just for posterity’s sake, the measly bits of two dreams that I managed to remember during the past million days or so.

One dream’s notes were too scarce for me to be able to use to jog the memories back into circulation, so all I have are meaningless facts about that dream’s world and/or setting.  I remember that the world was ruled by seven gods; one of their names was Cairn and the other, Prometheus (a fan-favourite, a guest appearance!); I can’t remember now what else happened.

These are the notes of another dream:

Fighting, fields, great monsters, camp-able,
Great long courtyard, tables, everyone arranged at the tables in teams or groups to eat or talk, open air
Deep caverns

I would add to that, but I can’t.

Last night, the girlfriend and I paid a visit to our mostly-unfriendly,-at-least-a-little-aloof-neighbuorhood Urban Shaman.  We’ve secured a couple of packets of Morning Glory (Heavenly Blue) seeds as well as a packet of powdered Kratom.  I inquired about a certain “dream herb” that I had recently learned the name of, because of course, I’ve been trying in earnest to get this little blog venture rolling strong.  A “dream herb” is something that Chontal medicine men, Oaxaca aboriginals, call “leaf of the god”, and they use it as an aid in remembering their dreams (achieving visions, perceiving voices of the gods/spirits).  Calea is the name of the plant that I would make a nightly tea from, for 24 nights (the amount per package that you may purchase) and I suppose could expect some good, healthy lucid dreaming as my reward for diligence.

I’m seriously considering – no, I’ve already decided to – buying some of it.  It’s at least scientifically proven to be safe and effective, it’s natural and it’s cheap ($12.50), so if nothing else, I’ll chance a nice, herbal-tea-habit development.

Interesting, fun Calea fact: the natural habitat of the plant is the high altitude cloudforests in a small area of the southern Mexican sierra (source: erowid.org).  Real cute.  Cloudforests?  Seriously?  Almost a little too hilarious, but that’s just me.

I still haven’t been very diligent with recording my dreams lately.  I do have some information, however little.  Isn’t it interesting that what dream that might have been vividly detailed only a few moments ago, can abruptly become something you’re not even sure you’re not just making up?  Why does it happen, and where do those memories go?  I suspect that our current base of conclusive knowledge (what we can say has been scientifically proven about memories and the mind) is good grounds to suspect that these memories are all there, all the time, regardless of whether they are within reach.

The brain is capable of, and so does so on a regular basis, compiles and organizes a great many more memories than we are consciously aware of, especially considering that the processes are all on an ongoing basis.  Sudden and unexpected reemergence of past memories, uncontrolled flash backs, confirmation of repressed memories, and purported memories of having a past life (those cases that have been investigated insofar as to confirm them as “unusual coincidences,” at least) all suggest that there is a system that works according to an as-of-yet-esoteric set of rules.  I say “esoteric” loosely, I suppose; these are regular, acknowledged phenomena that are not yet understood or predictable, but their impact seems consistently significant, regardless of the individual’s prior state.

I would postulate that a memory’s active presence “changes” an individual’s perceived world; we use them to decide the way that we navigate reality and the way that we form relationships.  Although the critical mind; the mind or “self” at the forefront of the helm; may be unaware, there is another, sub “self”* presiding over where the “immaterial” (memories, creations, anticipations, the gestational world where unobvious motives may be being tended to) is processed, manipulated, stored and ordered.  These two “minds” work in conjunction, simultaneously, and affect every aspect of life because of their joint nature – however, I would postulate further that each other’s presence, function and total potential does not specifically equate a guaranteed union.  Indeed, it would seem instead that one of man’s current, great obstacles is in that he has lost this ideal equilibrium.

*Another way I have thought about this is that instead of the two selves, it is instead that there is still just one “self”, but yourself as you consciously understand yourself (the self you spend time with while you’re awake) encapsulates an incomplete knowledge.  One unified self; a self of maximum integration of polarities; might conceivably be achieved through awareness and ease of access of both sides of the “dual awareness”, the conscious awareness as well as the subconscious awareness, and these two halves of self could unite, organized and cooperating, in taking steps towards successes.

I haven’t read much as far as all of the proposed theories and beliefs out there, but I have recently seen “dualism” in a few cameos across some of the documents I’ve been reading (read: lazily skimming).  These are only my impromptu winds of thinking, and I expect to read that someone may or may not have thought through or debunked what I have been amateurishly musing, so my notes are mostly “exercises” in articulation and problem-solving… rather than an etched timeline of Truth Excavation that I expect others should consider adopting.

Honestly.  Is irony coincidental, and if not, then we could assign a probability to it and then make better decisions so as to know to avoid it.  The algorithm could be as obscure or as long as is conceivable, but once known, maybe we could have some sort of new “foresight”

Anyway.

The day after I completed that first entry, I ceased to remember my dreams for a period of time; when I did manage to remember anything, it was only for a very brief time.  More often though, I just didn’t remember at all.  I have been remembering nary more than impressions, random flashbacks and similar sorts of snippets.  I figure that I had better start to record something, though; I wager this may be some sort of ornery, subconscious-self challenge for being insufficiently paid-attention-to.  I won’t remember more by waiting to remember more, I suppose is the big idea.  I had better just record what I remember, coherently substantial though it may not exactly be.

I’d like to keep separate dreams to separate entries each, so while the date of the entry may not be correct (bah), the organizational function of the blog will serve me better that way.

I also have some ideas that I would like to get into writing, for I’ve recently had my first encounter with Salvia Divinorum 10x.  For now, I can be satisfied to report that the experience was memorable.  Safely memorable enough to be able to wait a little bit more before sitting down to write it all out.  I wonder if this is an appropriate place for an entry like that?  Anyway, it will get its own entry if it does get one here, too.  I’ll need to put something about it somewhere, anyway, because I have some Salvia 20x (Salvia De La Luz or something I think?  A special extract, “for experienced psychonauts only”) on the way.  I don’t know if such a trip’s assuredly superior potency can squash it’s predecessor, but just in case, I won’t be risking it.