Skip navigation

Category Archives: Dreams

I remember being on the skytrain.  Daylight outside.  There are other boys my age on the train and I’m facing them.  One of them I recognize from high school.  We didn’t know each other too well, but he was friendly to me and he was friendly to me in the dream as well.

Then I am down on a dock and there is choppy, dark, deep water around, like the ocean stretches away on one side of me.  I climb a tall, wooden pole that supports a section of the wharf a ways away from the main cast-off, several meters above the water, and see down below that the boy is watching me.  There is a dirty, rubber tire that I grab and use somehow.  Then I’m down on the wooden wharf and trying to maneuver a boat somehow that we are both in.  I relate a story to him about how recently, Julia and I, or another boy and I were in the water and had to navigate it back to the main push-in while swimming in -50 below waters, which was a kind of exaggeration, I thought in retrospect, but at the time that was what we thought it was like.  It was quite a bit warmer now, I reflected, or thought that it must be, as we made an effort to do the very same task.

I had the sense that I was a little weaker or less apart of the group of the other older, more masculine boys on the skytrain.  But the other boy had chosen to be with me and removed himself from the other group.

Then I recall going around the corner of a dirt, inclined road embedded in the forested hillside where there might also have been snow, looking down on the water and the wharf.  I went up and eventually found my way next to a tomboyish girl I knew well.  She had pale skin, matted, light brown hair just past her shoulders, wore shorts and a white tshirt.  She was sitting on the ground with her knees up, elbows on top of them, and overlooked the area that I had been.  I asked her if she had seen me in the water and she replied yes, she had.  I thought, there must be many eyes in this forest.

I then had my attention turned to look up at the forest above and beyond me.  There was a young bear and an old bear, but I noticed only the old bear at first; I felt that he was a familiar character of the forest that many people were aware of.  I could see with a kind of binocular vision, and thought that it was a good thing no one killed the older bear, who was pale-furred, but brown and black in its extremities.  Then I saw an interaction between the bears old and young and another adult bear; I presumed it was a little family.  At first I thought that it was a good interaction, but then I realized the father bear was viciously attacking the two others.  It disturbed me.  There was no blood, but I felt bad.

I saw some other small animal then, very small, like a bird or furred, bird-like creature on the ground.  something stepped on it and I think it was killed for I detected a lot of pressure, and saw a the foot of the creature who did it.  The view pulled back to reveal the rest of it, but I dont recall what it looked like.

I can’t recall how it fits in here, but I also recall speaking with the girls’ father.  I had awareness of an affair that he was having on the side, and had been put in the situation where I could have said something about it, but didn’t.  He was onlooking from a hidden spot in the forest, somewhere high, perched around the road.  He was reflecting that his daughter should not know and seemed uneasy.

There was also something where we were talking from a house, or on a border between two realities; one was a house that reminds me of my father’s old trailer, and the other, the forest or some other kind of world.  I was making a proposal to him while we were in my father’s old living room, about a business to do with psychology I wanted to start, and presented to him a list of all the people I had apparently gotten to work for me, including everyone who would do the paperwork and other things.  There were at least 3 columns split into 2 rows.  He said “Are you sure?”, expressing some skepticism that I had actually been able to get so much of this together.  I hadn’t yet, but I had found the sheet online that offered a guide (the sheet template was part of the starter-kit), and some kind of precursor that would eventually lead to the ideal (and fictional) set-up I had presented him with.  To reassure him, I showed him the website, but didn’t mention that I hadn’t gone through with the steps to properly fill in all the roles yet.  I suppose I was confident that I could do it.  He believed me.

There was still unrest about his affair and that I could blow the whistle about it.  But he had made precautions to do with that: I saw that there was something of his property, like a plastic replica of a burger and a box, or the box it was usually in, that I noticed he had taken out and altered, or attached a document to, upon which he had made a false accusation about me.  I was in my apartment kitchen as I noted this, facing it alternatively with my stove, which was behind me.  I didn’t physically read the document, but I discerned his voice somehow, relating the information about how he had prepared to present in court against me, saying that I had taken this property of his while illicitly trespassing or something else illegally on his property when I shouldn’t have been there (in his office space).  He was apparently some kind of business man.  I wondered if he had gotten my saliva or something else to prove that my mouth had been on the burger?  But we were still keeping each other’s secret at that time (although I had no secret that I knew of, just the fiction he had against me in case I defamed him).

I remember, disconnected seemingly from the above portion, following the path of a dark-furred animal down a road in a suburban neighbourhood in the daytime.  I was amused by its eyes and that it seemed to be facially expressive, like a cartoon that our culture would laugh at; one side’s eyelid was comically further down that the other, I think I recall, as I looked at it from inside a home as it stopped on a cement doorstep that was up a few stairs.  I saw it better from inside this home: it was an animal resembling a tailed marsupial of some kind, or some kind of red panda/lemur variant with dark, red, huge circular eyes and a bushy, striped tail.  It was otherwise mostly black or deep red-brown.  I had the sense that it had a teenage personality, and I was still very amused at it.

I followed it inside where it was making it’s way through the home, excitedly looking for a gift that its parents had surely left it, as though it were xmas.  At the end of a dark hallway, it looked into a bedroom on the left side, where it saw a white bureau that had a little bit of green on it, and immediatley got even more excited.  Inside there was something it wanted.  It was almost hyper ventilting from happiness.  Its mother appeared and it uninhibitedly expressed gratitude.

It’s father appeared and it tried to calm down to maintain composure, such as what might happen years ago in the standard, american family home of the 50s.  It told him that he liked the present very much and that it didn’t have to open the rest right now.  It’s father wanted it to open the rest however.  It looked closer in at the structure of the chest of drawers, but I don’t remember what it saw in there.  I could see back down the hall it came through, beyond the dad, as it faced him.

When I awoke, I thought I saw a suspiciously natural sequence in my imagination about a mailbox on a post.  In it was a letter for me, Ascot.  It asked me, “Why did you lie about me?”, specifically about things I had said about it “on the forums last night?”  But I was confused, and wondered if I was just expressing my fears that I always have that I have accidentally lied about something.  I didn’t get back much except for garbled nonsense including “yes, you did” after I denied it, and something to do with “my mother”.  I suspect it’s got nothing to do with my biological mother so much as it has to do with the “mother” of which I spoke on the forums, namely Bastet, whose relationship to me was motherly.

Dream 1: In the first portion of this dream, which I forget mostly, I am deep inside an urban environment.  There are blues, greys, some browns, cool greens; an otherwise pretty “refreshing” colour scheme.  I did not actually walk any of the streets or transport myself, but was traveling within the city using a mechanical tram.  It snaked up and down smoothly, and although I should say it was like the Skytrain, it didn’t feel the same.  The car I was in was smaller and more private, so it reminded me instead of either an amusement park ride or a private train car.  There were others around me but I forget who they were now.

Then I am inside an apartment that reminds me somewhat of the apartment I live in during my waking hours.  It was bigger and had more rooms that I can remember, and was also on a higher level (I’m actually in a basement/ground-level suite).  Julia had gone away to stay with her parents for a few days; just under a week; I was staying there with a little boy who seemed to be just under 9 or 10 or so.  He had short brown hair and was Caucasian.  He didn’t talk much at first.  We had a sort of sibling relationship.  I felt like he was happy to be spending time with me.

I recall there being food laid out everywhere.  The little boy and I were having fun together, sharing the food.

Julia and I were talking on the phone.  She was very agitated and upset about something.  I observed that she was in a very foul mood, unlike how she is usually.  Her voice was barely audible because of a poor connection.  I also recall that she could hear the little boy in the background as he was being occasionally noisy as he played.  She might have been further annoyed by that.  I told her that I could not hear her and we prepared to finish our phonecall.  Before we did, she told me she was going to be writing me an email since we weren’t able to have a conversation.

After I hung up the phone, I made a loud noise in frustration at having to contend with her while she was so hard to get along with.  The little boy looked up in surprise, and I saw that he was suddenly with another young man who seemed to be in his mid 20s/late teens, also Caucasian and brown-haired, who had been playing with him; this guy looked up in surprise too.  It didn’t surprise me that this other young man was there with us.  I reassured them both that everything was fine and that Julia would now be writing me an email, and I made a hand gesture suggesting typing.  I was standing behind the glass-door cabinet with the kitchen to the right of me, and further I could see into a dark living room with a couple couches, and windows looking outside the apartment on the opposite wall.  There was only dim light, except for the brightly-lit kitchen, and it seemed like it was in the evening.

The little boy and I shared more food then, and I recall that I was eating too much, which he might have noticed; at least, he was looking at me as I put a handful of cereal in my mouth.  There were little petits-fours (I recall seeing a black container that had a clear, plastic top and used to contain 3 little baked goods.  There was 1 left: it was orange and reminded me of carrot, and I considered giving it to the boy) and cereal-type food with sliced almonds.

Then my mother’s ex phoned me; on the line, I could hear a woman’s voice as well who at first acted as an intermediary, and I suspected that she was his secretary.  After she left the conversation, he reminded me that he had joined me and a few of my other friends very recently for a p-chat session.  He said that he enjoyed it and wanted to do it again soon.  He also asked me, “What are you doing?” to which I replied, “Hanging out (with the boy), eating snacks.”

I also recall playing with a little orange/white/yellow kitten on the couch by myself as I sat on the floor.  I don’t remember much, but I might have been being rough with it, but then I realized I “didn’t have to be”, because it still wanted to play with me regardless of that..?

Dream 2: I invited Terra to stay with Julia and I in our apartment.  She somehow came in through my bedroom.  I lead her out into the kitchen and showed her the corner cabinet, pointing out the bottom shelf (it was quite dark in there), where we had 4 kinds of rice (one was arborio and one was brown), implying that she should have something to eat.  I think she selected one.

But then she broke out into an anecdote involving a border guard she encountered on her way to our house.  She described how every time he took a bath, he would use “water 2ºC above the normal temperature“.

I recall also that Terra was explaining to me about how an operation would be carried out on a certain individual, whom I can no longer remember.  She said that they would have to be subjected to it “51 ways“, and was referring to being fucked, I think?

I then saw an image of double doors, such as there are in hospitals leading to the O/R.  I don’t remember how it fits in, but I recall seeing a female doctor before the next scene began, and as I ponder their connection, I sense vaguely that there was some kind of separation between some male and female aspect, perhaps only in the genders of the doctors.

In the O/R, there were two male doctors; one was Caucasian and he had a shorter, Indian partner. I sensed, or saw that there were many, many patients to be operated on.  The view panned right, and I saw that there were also a very large group of doctors that I didn’t see at first.  They were all preparing to participate in the “operation”.

I also recall an image of a twin-sized bed on wheels.  It was clad in a white sheet and had a very thick mattress.  It had been wheeled out into the middle of my living room, which was brightly lit from the windows.  I understand that this was Julia‘s doing: our bed could be split somehow, so she had rolled her side out of the bedroom because of noise filtering down from our upstairs neighbours.  I didn’t see her anywhere near the bed however.  I was on my way to our bedroom.

The next disjointed memory I have is of facing away from Julia as I lie in our bed, which was then joined to be one, queen-sized mattress.  She was using a spritz-bottle to spray a “multivitamin” around randomly.  She asked me if I wanted some “in my face“.  It woke me up.  When I awoke the next moment, I felt surprised that she was facing away from me.  This is happening often, that my dreams seem to be choosing how and when to wake me up.

Several dream fragments without connection to each other…

Fragment 1: I was traveling through a wilderness that had been attended to so as to accommodate travelers.  I was with my father’s wife, my father, perhaps Julia, an attractive Asian girl, and a few other people.  We were traversing a path which lead across many natural obstacles and seemed to go on for a long distance; I sensed that we were far from the beginning and the end.  I traveled ahead with my father’s wife (I’ll call her J), across a flatter terrain where I could not see the sky around us, so I suppose it was enclosed somehow.  She talked about growing drugs in the past.  I told her that I thought she was talking about growing her own magic mushrooms, and she said that it wasn’t mushrooms, but cannabis that she had been growing.  On the ground as I followed her, I noted that the ground seemed tilled and had minor plants on it that were only as tall as weeds.  We were going along at a steady pace.  She is an active person, so it makes sense.  We went right.

Then I recall that we approached a kind of barrier, now outside, in the open air.  It was at the end of a lane barred in by man-made structures on either side of us (like fences), and beyond either side the land continued to slope across grassy hills, with various little landscape details, including pools of water, fenced enclosures and the like.  The barrier that we approached head-on was a row of bars that made a fence-like structure.  Beyond it, the land sloped and the sky above was quite expansive all around.  There was a sign which indicated the fence to be a checkpoint; it explained camping arrangements for anyone who was too tired to continue.  Our party was not going to stop.

The Asian girl (long, black hair) was teasing me, a kind of antagonist in the dream.  She faced me from the other side of the lane and made various attempts or gestures to emasculate me.  I tried to ignore her, although she was making me feel bad.  There was someone else nearby to her whom she talked to or hung around with, but I don’t recall who he was now.

We past this fence and went right.  I was with Julia here, and on the ground I believe there was grass… It was a kind of circular enclosure and in the middle, there was something that looked like the centerpiece to a garden or something and had edible snacks on it, like chips and dip or something.  There was a fluid, moving element to this object too.  It’s nearly impossible for me to describe it now.  But I took something from it, and the Asian girl was near, and she might have been commenting to me at this point as well.  I recall looking up from here to the fence checkpoint.

Fragment 2: I’m forgetting this fragment fast.  I recall being in a grocery store with Julia, or someone who reminds me of her.  We had at first left but were returning… and there was something to do with a voice coming over the intercom, and the faces of famous actors… We went left when we came in, to the produce end of the store, and continued forward.

Then I recall being in a room that we were alone in; it reminds me now of a kind of hotel room.  It was only 1 room, had a bed area in the corner, against the back wall, next to a patio.  We were lying down on the bed which laid low, if it wasn’t just a mattress on the floor, if there was a mattress at all.

Then I remember being outside on the patio.  There were no railings.  The land outside stretched very, very far: green grass and heavy rain that made a haze/fog that was grey and obscured anything beyond a couple hundred meters.  The grass simply faded into grey.  We had a dog with us (light brown, reminds me of my dad’s old dog) and were watching her run around outside, disappearing in the fog and reappearing again.  We could see to our right, to our neighbour’s patio.  We let out dog run around before she jumped up on the patio again.  These images used to have so much more plot to them, but now… I recall barely anything at all.

Fragment 3: I was in someone’s house and leaning in a doorway their hallway, looking into the kitchen.  I was watching a little boy make a large sandwich with many different kinds of meat.  One kind of deli meat was donated by someone who was in attendance with me (like a spiced, white chicken deli sliced meat), a woman, perhaps Julia?  I don’t recall.  But the boy’s father was a man I usually attend classes with: he was quite masculine, blonde, blue-eyed, a little rough-seeming and I understood that he unexpectedly came upon fatherhood but decided to throw himself into it for the kid’s sake; I found him to be pretty admirable.  The child would line a bunch of slices of bread on the floor in a row and add various kinds of meat and other things to it as though he were making many different sandwiches.  I recall him adding roast beef and something that I thought went well with roast beef, to the sandwich after adding the spicy chicken.  Then he folded the sandwich in a special way to make it build vertically.  The father was talking to him offhandedly about his middle name, which was something funny like “Poo“, lol.

I looked down the hall and went left, into the bathroom, where I considered throwing up.  It was dimly lit and quite nice.  Outside, it was raining, so this dream may have been connected to the dream fragment I described just before this one.

Fragment 4: I’m traveling by water on something that I can barely stay atop.  Its like a piece of driftwood really, but it’s thicker and buoys easily so doesn’t sink.  I drifted along and bumped into someone else on a large, wooden something.  It was either a huge piece of wood, like an overturned tree, or a kind of boat that just doesn’t exist in my waking reality.  I was overturned and had to erect myself with difficulty before floating away, regarding this other male person, however I don’t remember any details to our conversation.

There was a large, entangled mess of twigs, trees, and other bracken coloured like deep red cedar that this moment included as well.  So it wasn’t so much the open ocean as it was perhaps amidst an area that might lead off the coast, eventually to the ocean.

Fragment 5: I’m reading a novel about someone, a man, on the run.  He is of important status somehow in his world; perhaps he is royalty.  His brother encounters him suddenly, in the rain, holding an umbrella.  His brother is tall, lithe, and has had a sex change.  He is now quite an elegant-seeming, demure man/woman.  He is armed and I believe he is an important politician, so I bet they were princes.  He is armed with a sword, like the protagonist.

This is a black line drawing that I am looking at; it’s on the left page, where on the right there is text.  I cannot see their eyes.  The older brother has long black hair.  They are dressed in traditional, Asian-seeming garb from the feudal era perhaps.

I turn the page and it is all small text, describing their conversation and the action between them.

The younger brother manages to kill the older brother, for the older brother approached him with intentions to fight.  The older brother does not seem surprised, but then again, his character is calm in general.  He details his dying wishes to his brother, including a sum of money to be given to a certain party.

The younger brother tells him that he will fulfill his wishes, except for the sum of money to be given to the certain party, to whom instead he will  give a different sum of money.  But he adds afterward that he is joking, and will see to his brother’s wishes as they are exactly.  My mental image of this scene is of a black world with very few visible details, and I can sense the danger the younger brother is in on account of being fugitive.

Fragment 1: I’m in my apartment.  In the bathroom, I see on the floor, bugs running around.  Some of them are in the shape of black animals, such as some armadillo-cross, but more long and even dog-like perhaps.  They were only about an inch or less in actual size.  I wished to avoid them and felt very uncomfortable by their presence.  There might have been other bugs too.

Then I recall being in my bedroom, on my bed, with Julia.  She and I were interacting intimately.  She was loosely dressed in bed clothes that were slightly revealing.  Beyond her, I saw my closet, where the light was on and another friend of ours, E, was there.  She seemed uncomfortable and I thought that it was inappropriate to be interacting with J like that in front of E.

I recall facing the window of the bedroom next then, talking to E about a trip or other arrangement that I had made concerning travel and being away.  The travel had something to do with my mother I believe, but I don’t remember anything else.  E’s original plans allowed her to meet me there or to otherwise arrange for us to have more time together.  However, her plans had changed in that she realized her funds would no longer allow for that, and that she would have to be alone while I was away.  She seemed very sad about it.  I felt strongly that this should not be left as it was and I assured her that I would leave earlier so that we could have better time together.

Fragment: Outside, in a field of green grass, with trees in the background, daylight in the sky.  There was someone who was demonstrating a design of sunglasses they had entered into a design contest.  I was watching them, considering how I would also design a pair for the contest.  As I looked at the applicant’s design, I reconsidered entering because I thought his design was far superior and also showed how I hadn’t understood the level of expertise of other applicants entering the contest.

His design was more than just sunglasses and reflected professional-grade fabrication/manufacture: it could be worn as a protective, full-face, black motorcycle helmet that the sunglasses could clip onto easily and stylishly.  It had various morphing functions and could even inflate to protect your whole body.  This function was demonstrated to me; I wore it and experienced the full-body armour part; it inflated quickly and was green-coloured.  The guy who was demo-ing had black hair and was caucasian.  He kind of reminded me of the actors playing the power rangers…

Then we moved over the field to the left I believe, where the trees became more frequent.  They were narrow, tall, bare trunks that had their foliage start high up.  The grasses were tall and soft I believe, but I’m not sure; I only remember being down, on the grass, facing the black-haired designer who stood before me.  I no longer remember anything else from here…

Fragment 3: I remember then being in a wooden, large house that was decorated with furniture, personal effects and other things that you might expect of a family home for a settled family of a few generations.  There were dark browns, mostly.  The first scene I recall took place in a child’s bedroom with low light, as if it were bed time.  I saw the face of a character who was shaped like a puppy made of clay, and indeed moved like a claymation figure.  He had round, white eyes with black pupils and I found him to be pretty charming.  There was another claymation puppy with beady, black eyes who I also felt endeared of.  They reminded me of a childhood plush I used to have.  They were discussing something about the time of day… bedtime?  Anyway, this part I do not remember well either.  I remember going out of the room and appearing again against the patio door at the front of the house.  Behind me was the kitchen and I could see beyond it, to the living room opposite, on the other side of a hall.  There were windows looking outside, showing the daylight.  I sensed that this house was situated in a rural area, perhaps embedded in a forest.

I was instructed by someone to get all the cats inside the house.  There were many, many cats that I saw outside on the patio, and I opened the door just wide enough to let a few in, but a few were able to get outside again.  I was having trouble trying to ensure that the flow of cats stayed outside->inside.  There was one cat that I saw directly ahead of me, inside, in a narrow, dark space that seemed grey and dusty, or even soft and distant.  It was an elegant-seeming cat who was mostly white with black patches and medium-length fur.  His image was quite surreal.  He came out and I don’t recall if he got outside…

Then I was interacting with the puppy with moving, black pupils.  I’ll call him the character puppy now.  There was some chocolate cake that he asked me to cut his other puppy (perhaps the one with beady, black eyes) a “medium-sized piece”.  I went into the kitchen, to the sink, and tried to see to his request.  There were two wine glasses, and I struggled to get the crumbly cake piece I had cut, that I thought was medium-sized, into the glass.  The other glass had a light-yellow-coloured liquid in it, perhaps wine.  I also should note that this house seemed rather active, like there were many people moving and interacting about, like at a casual family gathering.

I realized after putting the cake into the wine glass that it had mysteriously dissolved and now looked like another, clear, yellow, bubbly glass of wine and smelled acrid.  I tried some and it felt astringent to my throat.  I told the character puppy and he expressed relief that I hadn’t given it to his puppy to drink, for it would have probably burned him too.

(I am forgetting SO MUCH of last night’s dreams.  That seems to be happening every night lately though!)

I’m in my elementary school and sitting in a classroom in the young students’ wing (K-3).  We are reading from papers upon which we have written assignments.  There is some debate about the actions of the teacher.  For some reason, I disagree with how she has treated or made a decision about something to do with the assignments of a few of the other students.  While at the door of the classroom, I’m looking in from outside at a large sheet on the door’s side facing inward, with the others around me, and urge them to just bring it up with some other guy (reminds me of R. Maddocks) whose job it is to listen to complaints of this nature.

I see him on my way through the hall to the other classroom where I’m supposed to be able to find people who will listen.  The classroom is in the upper wing, where the older students are, up to grade 4 or 5.  He doesn’t seem to be too helpful or interested.

In the classroom, it is very crowded: full of desks, supplies, people, and a circle-arrangement of chairs facing inward right at the door.  The chairs are closely packed together and someone is sitting on each of them.  This circle closes off the rest of the room; entered through either door, the circle is the only thing accessible, but I can see the contents of the cluttered room anyway if I stand.  I remember orange-red carpets.

I get into a heated debate with the teacher I’m complaining about, who looks like Ms. Gorris (a former art teacher of mine: dry, red-brown hair just above her shoulders, Caucasian.  She and I had a running-in a couple times and she wasn’t well-liked, however not so terribly maligned either).  She is very eager to fight me and does so maliciously.  At one point, she even becomes almost physically aggressive in a bid to intimidate me as we face each other in the middle of the circle, but I do not retaliate similarly and she stops.  However, her demeanor changes and it is clear that she is mentally ill.  Similarly, while fighting, I feel a change come over me and I am embarrassed that it is obvious that I have switched into an alter because my voice/manner of speaking changes, triggered by being involved in an angry fight/raising my voice.

I realize this as she has gone outside the classroom for a moment.  She comes back in right away I think.

Then I am trying to make my case to all the other teachers who are listening in the room; it is as though I have to present and get their opinion on the matter, while the woman teacher does the same.

Someone else representing her, or herself, goes first and uses an upright chart of paper to draw graphs or charts on to support her case.  I am annoyed.

When it is my time to go up, a girl comes with me and she draws a proper graph.  I consider how I can do the same, but eventually just draw a square in red felt marker at the top of the paper and write in large letters, something like: “So-and-so is mentally ill” and “So-and-so is dangerous!”  And then I believe I said a few more things before looking around the room.  I saw that I had support from some teachers in the back, at desks, beyond all the clutter obscuring any possible way to reach them.  I won the case and it was decided that she was to be sent to a mental institution.  Then we learn that she was already going to one, but at a date several months in the future.

Back in the classroom from before, it has changed and is now brightly-lit and looks like the classroom I was just in.  It is well-known already that the teacher has been sent away.  There is a circle-arrangement of chairs packed tightly together again, crowding the room, right up against the doorways.

Although most of the class seems relieved and I expect that I will be commended, the teacher (a petite, dark-haired woman) is actually upset and disapproving.  There is another teacher figure here now as well I think.  She/he hands out sheets, and on them are little tributes to the ill teacher so as to leave the last impression of her good, which I more or less agree with.  They are artistic and at least one of the pages is a poem, decorated with drawings and rainbow, soft colours.  I don’t say much although I’m confused.  I’m just glad that she has been sent away and will no longer impede the students’ fair school experience.

I am sitting next to a quiet, petite, Indian woman who says very little and I think she is quite a bit older than I am.  She and I are sitting very close to each other actually, so close that we are practically on top of each other.  A male teacher who has been handing sheets out appears and places little bugs on us and I don’t question this strange action; it seems to be something that everyone is getting.  One of them is a white caterpillar.  An older man who moves slowly, and I understand to be connected to the old woman to my left, has it on top of him and it enters his mouth.  I wonder if its going to go down his throat?  I’m still confused.

Then the caterpillar is on me and do not like it.  It crawls around my body and I’m unable to keep track of it.  I feel it go down my back and get a little nervous, wanting to remove it but not wanting to touch it.  I get the irrational fear that its going to try and get inside by going in through my asshole (!? haha!).

It’s daytime and I’m at my old elementary school.  I am inside the school and an older woman character who I no longer remember very well has locked me in a classroom by fastening my legs or arms to something attached to the ceiling.  She leaves, but a young man appears soon and frees me and I think he tells me to go.  I leave the classroom and the school but I forget which way I take, and eventually I remember seeing the front of the school from outside.

For some reason, I sense that Julia is nearby and I suddenly have the intent to avoid being seen by her and to avoid having to go back to school.  I turn around and take the right-leading road and then turn at the crosswalk, right, and continue around a few winding roads.

A girl (short, black, curly hair) from my evening writing class appears on the way and she mentions something to me about something I’ve written, and it apparently had something to do with magic mushrooms.  Although I think she’s kind of a simple girl, I walk with and eventually past her after just a few moments, I think.  She is on her way to class and I am on my way away, so I intentionally make my way away from her again.

Then I see that I am walking down a road which curves down a hill; on either side are residences at first, but it eventually turns into a road with fence, grass on either side, a few rocks jutting out, and other such random obstacles that lead me to understand that this is a kind of makeshift “offramping” obstacle course for people to drive fast over for sport.  It is a very short course and leads to a forest; on the left side, the forest is thick and can be seen into.

At the bottom, I slow down and watch the forest on the left.  It is light brown mostly, and there are thin plant stalks, branches and the like standing thick amidst each other, illuminated by sunlight that makes them glow like shiny strands of web.  They seem very soft and they entice me, so I go into the forest at this point.

I wander through the thicker parts and get onto the dirt ground which is raised a little bit.  After a few paces in past a couple tree trunks, I turn around and realize that there is a truck coming down the hill.  The truck drives past and stops; I see into the window and recognize that Julia is there in the front seat.  She has somehow realized that I have gotten out here and has come to see what I’m up to; I don’t know if she knows I’ve been avoiding her.

She gets out of the truck.  There are others in the truck that I see, and understand that they have driven her, but I don’t recognize them right away.  She comes over to me and the truck drives up with her and they all stop in front of me.  Inside, I see that there are 2 or 3 boys and they are all pretty good looking, very boyish, and have a punky sort of masculine, youthful style.  For instance, the driver was a brown-haired, rosy-cheeked, light-eyed young man who reminds me of Finn from the Glee TV program.  His hair was wavy-styled, short, and he had a charming cowlick.  He was wearing blue denim.  His friend was blonde, seemed a little smaller, had blue eyes and was also fair-skinned.

They both looked at me and still seemed friendly.  I recognized the brown-haired boy from my evening writing class.  I suggest this to him and he realizes who I am.  He says he’s already “phoned ahead”, so I assume he means that he’s taken the rest of the day off school.

I think I must have woken up a little bit at this point, but I continued to imagine the next few moments of the dream and they appeared vividly:

I turned back and receded into the forest, not wanting to leave.  I saw a weird, short person with very short, blonde hair and dressed in vivid colours, maybe red and blue.  I past him and went around a thick-trunked tree and saw that the path ended, and there was just a very thick brush or thicket leading deeper into the forest.  Julia and the boys from the truck appeared, following me around the tree.  I said, “There’s nothing there, there’s nothing there”, indicating that there was just empty space and no path behind the tree, as if I expected there to be something there after all.

I remember trying to push into the thicket.  It was full of upright, interwoven, murky tan and gold twigs preventing me from seeing or advancing very much further than a few moments’ trying.

I remember walking up a long, steep street lined with buildings, either small shops or houses.  The sky is white, like daytime with overcast clouds.  I forget where I was going, but I was by myself.

I also remember being in a bathroom and seeing my younger half-brother, who is around 5 years old.  He had a full-grown moustache…  I was facing him as we were both in a bathtub perhaps.  This bathroom reminds me vaguely of the bathroom in my father’s old house.  The colours are dim, warm, and there might have been either one other figure present or a bodiless commentary being made.

I remember looking down at a video of myself while others looked at it too.  It had been left over from being recorded earlier.  I saw that I had visible skin problems.  There were a few pages of writing in front of the video, and on either side of it were drawings.  Each of the drawings were black and white line illustrations; the lines were thick and “webbed” the whole page to make the images of a face.  One face looked kind of like a sinister jester, and the other, I can’t recall.  On each of them said “RAPE“.  I recall thinking that the ‘piece’ (the collective drawings, video, writing) would be better without the pages of writing and the drawings, so I removed them.  Other than that, the video itself was kind of comical and seemed to make others laugh too, but I can’t remember why or what I said.

I was trying also to operate Julia’s mobile phone for some reason, with great difficulty as I tried to navigate the menu.  I remember seeing the sky.

I have some very vague memories of being in a restaurant or something.  It felt like I was in a place surrounded by people of wealth or business.  There might have been a dark-skinned business-woman with short, dark hair; she was of Indian descent perhaps.  I was being spoken to by at least two people on either side of me.

I then remember being in an airport, making my way through it after coming in from outside.  It was full of people, and I was in a hurry.  I had made my way to the back of the airport and then turned left, through a pair of doors, where I witnessed the murder of two people.  At least one of them was the mother of a tall, thick-voiced Korean boy; he attacked me tearfully because he was so upset, but I escaped.  I went back the way I came, two heavy bags in hand and one heavy bag left downstairs.  I was stopped by a tall, white man with light, thin, long hair on my right as I passed through the check.  He said that he was looking for a few people to fly in his plane with him and I could be one of them if I hurried; he apparently had his own little plane that he was flying in, and needed to fill its seats.  I agreed, reminding him nervously that I had to fetch my other bag.  I was able to get it, and eventually boarded his little plane.

I can’t well recall who I boarded with.  One of them was definitely a young woman with short hair.  I remember being in the plane: it was white, paneled, and pretty ordinary for a small passenger plane without amenities.

We landed at our destination, and my next memory takes place in the room I was to stay in.  It was very small and reminded me of the spare room that I tend to stay in while I’m at my mother’s house.  It was dusty and disheveled, brightly-lit, and seemed like it had been abandoned.  There was a small, white familiar desk just in front of a low-lying bed/mattress that took up most of the floor.  I started to straighten the bed out and saw to my right, or heard, two people talking.  I went to the door and spoke with them in the hall; on my left, a young woman with short, dark hair and on my right I thought it was the original man who invited me, but it was definitely a Russian female this time, however she “felt” the same as the man from before.  They were discussing movies and the movie-going experience.  They agreed that they both liked movies I think, with the Russian woman stating something about them transferring her ‘power’, as if she gets pumped up by the drama or something.

I had some way to detect how many calories I had ingested so far that day then suddenly: an image appeared to my upper left and displayed a number.  It was 360-something, and this number disturbed me because I had a strong feeling that I hadn’t eaten that much so far.  I asked the girl near me about it, and she said that I had eaten on the plane.  I didn’t remember eating on the plane, and in fact I didn’t remember anything other than being on the plane of that trip.

Then I remember it being night and my mother was upset about something.  She and I agreed on the matter in most respects, but, from up in my window I could hear her arguing about it to someone else outside, making points about the matter that I didn’t agree with.  She hollered up to me for support on part of the subject, but I did not support her and shouted back with obvious agitation, which probably upset her.

I then took a phonecall from my father, who talked to me about having injured his legs and so would be laid up for a while.  I asked him if the doctor told him anything about what to expect as he recovered or if he would recover, and he said the doctor either didnt know or didn’t tell him yet.  My mother came up to my room at that moment and offered me a cigarette as if to get on my good side again, and I declined.

The last image I remember is of being in the bedroom I have while I’m awake.  I was at my desk and doing something at the computerJulia was in the bed, disappointed that I was working late.  She asked me, “Aren’t you going to (something something) adult stuff?”  She never speaks in such terms that I’ve heard her, so this was an unusual comment.

It’s daytime in this world.  I’m in a city full of buildings and other planned developments, such as roads, a police force, parks and the like, similar to Vancouver of my waking reality.  The buildings are dark red in the center of the city, where I was lead to later in the dream.

I recall going to see my dealer, Mike.  He is around my age and has longer, blonde hair.  In his home, he, another figure and I talked.  He was friendly and we were even laughing at a few points, though I don’t remember what over.

Then I remember being next to a field or a park with the other figure who I can no longer remember.

I recall next being inside a strange, cylindrical-shaped building.  Entered through the top, a flight of stairs spiraled down to the bottom floor immediately.  There was a bed on the bottom floor.  I was with the other figure or someone new, but I can’t remember who.  We were there to hide from the police and were costumed for some reason, in girly clothes.  I was encouraging the other figure to hide like I was hiding, under the bed, to avoid being seen.  We were seen anyway; one of the leading police officers was a tall woman and I think she recognized me.

I think I was wearing high heels or something and that they were sticking out from under the bed, which is how we got caught.

We were being taken to jail by the woman officer and maybe others.  Around me, the downtown core of the city was busy with cars in the streets and other similar things.  The buildings were tall and dark, brown-red.  I was discussing with my friend or someone else how we could get free of jail, such as if we both dressed up in disguises as part of some heist to fool the officers as to our true identities.  I suggested dressing up as his “girlfriend” while he dressed up as “me”, but I don’t remember how I thought that would work.  I think the tall woman officer was listening to me nearby.

If I had to described the tall woman officer:

Long Hair
Patient, professional, in control,

I’m in a classroom, standing at the front next to a whiteboard, facing a tall, heavy-set, matronly woman teacher.  She is explaining to me that I have to draw a picture as part of either an assignment or punishment.  One aspect of the picture must be about me in an x-rated situation, maybe even something to do with S&M or something similarly unusually sexual.  I warn her that I’m able to tell someone else on staff at the school about what she’s assigning me to do, but she says something to me which makes it clear that I wouldn’t solve or change anything by doing that.

So I sit down a few rows back in a desk to get started.  On the right is a door out into the hallway, and in walks a girl named “Munchie Munch”.  She looks just like Elizabeth Taylor and may even be her daughter.  I think I was attracted to her.  She had an interest in me, but I don’t remember if she was attracted to me as well.  We seemed to have some kind of an alliance.  She had also been assigned a lot of work by the woman teacher, and complained to me as we talked after she had sat a couple of desks back and to the right of me.  She spoke up to the teacher, who corrected her that actually, she had 10 days to finish the assignment but had forgotten.  I sensed now that we were in Germany.  I also recall Munchie saying that she had heard “x”-name before, but not “Klayton”.

I’m in a dark house, at night, and the Simpson Family is there.  For some reason, Bart, Lisa, and Marge are sharing a bed, but it’s a temporary arrangement.  Night falls and I can see their ‘spirits‘, or perhaps their subconscious, ‘dream selves’ become active: the action zooms in and strips of light materialize above their bodies, connecting loosely to make a spectral representation of their bodily appearance.

They notice each other, but don’t behave as though they are in their usual seat of consciousness.  They share a few words that I can’t remember what, but it is clear that they are about to have a romantic/sexual encounter; I can sense that this is a climactic moment.  The environment starts changing to include strange characters and other ‘unreal’ morphing, as if all of this were taking place in a dream world.  The different things that come to life use abstract symbols to convey disapproval (showing picture frames to them, however I was unable to see what the picture was, only that they reacted to seeing it) and other things to show how they have done something that they should be ashamed of.

I look at a billboard that has been set up in the middle of a large, busy city.  On it is a huge image of a brain.  I’m listening to someone, or reading something about the phases of brain development, particularly one early phase in which it is understood that the halves ID and EGO have no ends.

I then look down at a list that has been suddenly provided to me from a source that is suddenly communicating with me, although I can’t see who it is.  The list is light yellowish, and each of the items on the list are numbered.  I understand that each of the items correspond to phases in my life that occurred in the past, and have been named by the source according to its point of view, who has been apparently sharing my life experience although I did not know it.

Some of the headings go something like: “I run away“, “(In Which I Behave Badly)“, and other allusions to itself by using “I”, when usually the “I” would refer to me.  There were other headings that used “you” instead to refer to myself.